Artifacts; Butterfly Hugs

I sat high above the road, wind in my hair, sun in my face, upholstery beneath my fingers, with the colors of summer flying by at 80mph and the sound of America’s Horse With No Name surrounding me. The jeep seemed almost bare, for it had shed its winter coat. At my young age, this was fascinating to me and as soon as it was warm enough to wear shorts I’d ask my nana if we could take the top of the jeep and its doors down each year. My car-seat gave me an extra few inches to observe the beauty of Northern Michigan. Even as young as I was, I was always getting lost in my thoughts.
        I stared down at the road wondering how much effort it would take for me to touch it from my car-seat. From there I started wondering what other people thought about as they flew down the road, confined by their seatbelts and doors. I however, was not confined by doors and felt more free than usual. I studied my surroundings, inside the jeep and out. My eyes found my nana’s necklace that dangled from the rearview mirror the same one that I had always been intrigued by. The necklace was a chocker with a very intricate design in the elastic it was made of. A cute little butterfly connected the two ends of the elastic.  

“Nana, I love this necklace.” I said, admiring the way it blended in with the colors of summer.

“I got it from my dad when I was about your age, a little before he died. You can wear it while we are at grandmas and grandpa’s if you’d like.” My nana replied without any hesitation.

“How did your dad die? I thought grandpa was your dad.” I was so confused, but at the same time over-joyed that I was able to wear this necklace that I had been admiring for so long.

“Well, he was coming home one night and a drunk driver hit his car. I was 10 when that happened, and later grandma met grandpa, so in a way, they are both my dad and both your grandpa.” She explained to me.

        I sat there, perplexed that I had a grandpa that I never even knew. He was just, gone. I wondered how my nana felt when she found out he had died, or how my great grandma had felt, how anyone had felt for that matter! I had never had to deal with any sort of death, still haven’t years later. People I knew had died, but no one in my family, no one I was close to, not even a pet. I held the necklace between my fingers, feeling the loops in its design, before slipping it around my neck. I liked the way it hugged my neck. Not too tight, not like a boa constrictor trying to cut off my air flow, and not too loose like those shorts that won’t stay on your hips no matter what you try. It was more like the butterfly itself was extended its wings and caressing me as I lived my life.
        Wearing this necklace I always had a piece of my nana, even when she wasn’t with me. After our visit to grandmas my nana had allowed me to keep the necklace, so long as I promised to take good care of it. I did everything with that necklace on. When I was five and my little brother was born I wore that necklace while I held him for the first time. That necklace meant everything to me, and it still holds a very special place in my heart today. After wearing it for years, it has gone through a lot of different wear and tear, but it’s still intact and from time to time I’ll wear it just so I can feel like a little kid again. During the time in my life of which I received the necklace, not much mattered, but at the same time so much that does today, did. The little things were important, like the grasshoppers I would play cat and mouse with at my nana’s house, or the pictures I would find in the clouds and the big things were just out of my control and at the time didn’t require my worrying. I wear my nana’s necklace now when I need to stop and appreciate the little things in life, and stop worrying about the big. Whenever I need my nana, that little butterfly will hug me and remind me to embrace the kid that still lives inside of me.